Photos by Magenta School of Magick
There is a particular kind of uncertainty that comes from not knowing what to do, but when it comes hand-in-hand with not quite believing you are the sort of person who can do it…that feels worse.
Sometimes we call it low self-esteem. Sometimes it appears as self-doubt, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking or the quiet habit of waiting for permission.
Whatever shape it takes, it often feels surprisingly ordinary. Like it’s just who you are. You continue going to work. You run your business. You care for your family. You show up for meetings, clients or friends.
From the outside, life appears to be moving forward. Inside, however, there is a quieter conversation. That annoying inner critic poking away, “perhaps someone else could do this better”, “maybe I’m not ready”, “what if people discover I’m not who they think I am?”
Many people believe self-esteem is something people either have or lack. But what if it is something much gentler? Perhaps self-esteem is simply the relationship we have with ourselves while we are growing, developing and becoming who we are supposed to be.
Learning to believe in yourself rarely happens overnight. Healthy self-esteem often develops while you’re still feeling uncertain, long before you think of yourself as a confident person. This article explores what that process feels like and how humanistic magick combines psychology, reflection and symbolic practise to support lasting change.
In this article
- Why self-esteem often changes before confidence appears
- Why uncertainty is a normal part of personal growth
- How identity changes before self-belief catches up
- The subtle signs your self-worth is already growing
- How Humanistic Magick supports lasting psychological change
The awkward middle when becoming someone new
One of the things we have become increasingly interested in is how strange genuine change feels. We often imagine confidence arriving first. Then we take action.
But lived experience rarely works that way. More often than not we act while feeling uncertain. We speak before we fully trust our voice. We make a difficult decision before we feel like a decisive person. We begin leading before we feel like a leader. We start a business before believing we deserve to succeed. We begin healing before believing we are worthy of peace.
In other words, identity changes after the behaviour has already begun. that can feel deeply uncomfortable because there is often a period where the old version of ourselves no longer fits, yet the new one has not fully arrived. It can feel as though you are pretending. And this isn’t because you are inauthentic, it’s because your mind is still catching up with who you are becoming.
Self-esteem often grows quietly
When people think about improving self-esteem they often imagine dramatic breakthroughs. Like one day they will wake up full of confidence. The inner critic will disappear. Everything will finally feel easy.
But that isn’t how most meaningful change unfolds. It usually appears in much smaller ways. You notice yourself apologising less. You recover more quickly after criticism. You stop explaining every decision. You set a boundary. You speak even when your voice shakes.
None of these moments feels particularly extraordinary at the time, but taken together they represent something profound. They are evidence that your relationship with yourself is changing. Often long before your self-image catches up.
The same journey appears in different places
One of the reasons we write about these experiences is because they appear across very different parts of life.
Such as, the person seeking personal growth may wonder whether they are finally allowed to trust themselves after years of adapting to everyone else’s expectations.
The practitioner building a spiritual or creative business may recognise the quiet hesitation before sharing their work, increasing their prices or allowing themselves to be visible. It isn’t always about “better marketing”. Often it is about believing that what they have to offer genuinely matters.
The leader working within a large organisation may experience exactly the same uncertainty. Not about their decision making capability per se, but about their presence. They may know the technical answer but they’re questioning whether they belong in the room, whether empathy makes them appear weak, or whether creating space for others somehow diminishes their own authority.
Sure, these situations are different. But the emotional landscape is remarkably similar.
Each person is gradually becoming someone who trusts themselves a little more than they did yesterday.
Why certainty rarely comes first
This can be one of the most frustrating parts of personal development.
We keep hoping certainty will arrive before action. But it is action that often creates certainty.
Each time we behave in alignment with our values rather than our fears, our identity shifts a little. Our nervous system learns that we survived. Our mind gathers new evidence. Our confidence becomes less rooted in random wishing and more in lived experience.
We begin believing ourselves because we have repeatedly witnessed ourselves, not because somebody else finally convinced us.
Humanistic magick and self-esteem
This is one of the reasons humanistic magick developed in the way it did.
People sometimes imagine that magick is primarily about changing external circumstances. Our experience has been rather different. The most significant changes often happen internally first. Reflective practises, coaching conversations, journalling, symbolism and psychological approaches create conditions where we can safely meet ourselves, rather than magickally inserting confidence into us.
This is where we begin noticing old identities that no longer serve us. Where we discover beliefs we have quietly carried for years. Where we practise responding differently before those new responses feel natural.
From the outside very little may appear to change. Inside, however, something important is happening. The relationship you have with yourself begins to soften. And that changes everything else.
Eventually, confidence is no longer something we perform. It becomes something we quietly inhabit. You may find moments when you still feel uncertain, but you’ll notice that uncertainty no longer prevents you from trusting yourself.
You may already be further along than you think
One of the questions we often encourage people to consider is “What evidence is there that I already relate to myself differently?”
Perhaps you recover more quickly after setbacks. Perhaps you no longer need everyone to agree with your decisions. Perhaps you notice your inner critic without automatically believing it. Perhaps you make choices because they are right rather than because they are safe. Perhaps you no longer measure your worth solely through productivity.
These changes can seem almost invisible while they are happening, but they often represent the deepest kind of transformation because they change the person experiencing life.
A gentle reflection
If you have been questioning your self-worth recently, you may not need to force yourself to become more confident overnight. Instead, ask yourself:
Where have I already begun trusting myself, even if only a little?
What decisions have I made recently that the old version of me might have avoided?
Where have I shown myself compassion instead of criticism?
What parts of my identity no longer fit as comfortably as they once did?
You may discover that your self-esteem is not something waiting to arrive in the future. It may already be quietly growing beneath the surface. You are simply learning to recognise the person you are becoming.
References
About Humanistic Magick
Humanistic Magick is a psychology-informed framework developed by Andie Brookes that integrates reflective and symbolic practises to support meaningful, lasting personal change. You can explore the full reference guide here: https://magentaschoolofmagick.com/what-is-humanistic-magick/
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